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February 20th.


3 years ago today,
My life changed. For the better or the worse is up to interpretation. It was the first time I admitted to whole-heartedly being head over heels for anyone. I admitted it to her and the relationship grew for years. It was the greatest thing in my life to ever happen at the time, I’d never knew what it felt like to actually love someone. Over the course of things that vastly changed. I left my heart with a woman in a basement. Gave her specific instructions not to break it and she promised no harm. I believed her.
2 years ago today,
We celebrated a milestone. Began further planning of our future together. I knew what I wanted well before that day. That day was the day she announced she had concurrent feelings. Again, I believed her.
1 year ago today,
We dodged the city and escaped for the weekend so we could get some peace and quiet. We did nothing. It is still one of the best weekends I’ve been a part of. We didn’t need anything else. I could’ve stayed in that hotel room with her forever and died happy. We were in love. I believed it.
Today,
I’m now alone. Fragments and pieces that no longer create any “normal” shape. Working on mending them into something worthwhile and presentable again. Learning that not everyone is out for blood and heartbreak. Bitter, but understanding more about life every day. My beliefs are starting to re-format.
I told her I couldn’t live without her, I truly thought it would never happen. Yet here I am, living.
Though, a lot of that is up to what your definition of living contains. In my eyes, I’m not living.
I’m alive, sure.
Breathing, check.
Conscious, most days.
But my heart hasn’t beaten the same since.
My mind hasn’t rested since.
And my motivation for life has taken a sharp nose dive.
But here I am living.
Alive.
Filled with motion.
Filled with emotion.
Alive.
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