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Mental masochism.

This is an update from the author on May 4th, 2013. Where I’m currently at. Mixed bags, mixed emotions, mixed results. Stay tuned for more updates from the book soon!

I thrive on being let down, knowing that beyond the pain is a new day, full of things to learn. The struggle brings motivation and inspiration. Always allowing some she too much control, methodically so I can regain it with a sense of self-strength and confidence. Hoping to possibly reach inspiration and drive.
Moving on makes me feel at peace in a strange way. Throughout attempting to start over I stumble and fall, hitting barriers, adding baggage, wrecking it for others.
It’s really quite careless; I do mindless things like avoid norms. Create conflict. Question the full-proof. Test the limits. Surrender independence. Conform to passion. Inflict change. Support emotionally charged choices. Impulsively obsess. Sacrifice the methodical.
Yes, I make it a point to make waves.
Without them, we’ll drift somewhere distant slowly. Day by day, growing to hate it more. Riptides save us. Tidal waves ravage us quicker than any conversation ever could. You know this. Let the water swallow you. Let it force you to make a hasty choice based off of survival skills and instinct.
No time to think.
Decide. Act. Accomplish.
Sink or swim, baby.
We’ve got other options, but really any of those will lead us to one of these two conclusions. So go ahead, take the long way. Paddle further than necessary if it helps wear you out enough to sleep tonight. Just know, our results won’t vary much. We want the same thing: survival. The thing to be determined is how weathered we become in the process.
Sun-beaten, dehydrated, and famished?
Safe home, S.O.S.-less and captured?
No isolated thought. Instinct. That’s all. Fuck a message in a bottle, I enjoy reality as it happens.
Decide. Act. Crash.
We’ll end up somewhere. Uncharted and ready for exploration. Or we can drift. Wave-less. Besides the waving of goodbye. We’ll sink or swim, baby. You decide.



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