The month is only about halfway through but I want to make this a regular thing. Some reflection and outlook on what’s happened in life, and what I’ve taken from it is important in progressing as a person. Taking the time to properly process things sometimes isn’t the easiest. Life gets busy. That’s no excuse. This can make or break a person and today is one of the few that I refuse to be broken. I encourage each one of you to take a day, or an hour, or small portions of time to really sit with yourself and ask: what the hell have I really learned from life recently?
One thing that has become apparent lately is I have no desire in the quantity of women in my life, it’s all about the quality. For the past year I’ve tried to lie to myself. Claiming the more the merrier is an idealistic way of living. HA! Do you KNOW women? The more the crazier.
Many women just led to many things, many problems, many careless actions, many guilty mornings, possibly even some broken hearts. It was too much for me. Way too much. Trying to juggle multiple semi-relationships just is not worth the balancing act. Especially when there’s no true emotional give in most of those types of relationships.
No, I learned a few months ago that all I want is one woman. One quality woman. One where we only have our problems together, one that makes me accountable for my actions, one that makes them full of meaning, one that waking up next to isn’t a shameful thing, one that allows broken hearts to be mended.
This, honestly, is a point I never thought I’d reach again. It’s bizarre. Here I was, running around fucking anything with a pulse like it was some marathon. Then, one woman came along and silently, without a word, told me what I’ve been doing wasn’t right.
She never down-talks me for who I’ve been before. She doesn’t focus on any of my shortcomings. She has a heart the size of Texas. Her smile assures me that any predisposed anxiety I’ve created about relationships is worth the battle. She accepts life as life and realizes we’re all human. When she hugs me, it calms my racing heart and then she kisses me and turns that motor back on. She keeps it running for days. She’s on my mind from sun up to sun down. The mornings I wake up next to her leave me filled with enough joy that there’s simply no bringing me down that day. Her name leaves a stupid grin on my face each time it travels from my brain to my mouth. Gazing at her stuck in a daze every time we’re together. The world moves slow around us. It keeps handing us new pieces to the puzzle and we keep forcing them to fit.
Yes, this is enough for me. I don’t need a handful of women because none of them ever sparked this inside of me. They just pacified the time until I found someone who does. Hold onto whatever you find that makes you happy. It’s rare that it comes along, but when it does, you’ll know it.