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Expressionism – 10-24-13


Living life through escapes.
This is just my latest example. Self-sacrificing sleep, all for the simple sake of expression. The irony is that if I slept more, there’d be far less that needed to be expressed. Yet there’s some imperfect beauty in struggle. There’s this odd promise made in the attempts to mend. A sense of hope for progression. It provides this tunnel to see the light through, because it’s much brighter and focused when trying to peer through an enclosed space instead of being blinded by the big, open space of the full picture. That’s just too much light. How is anyone expected to live happy all the time like that? So overwhelmed by the constant sight of everything.
Walking around on constant suicide watch is no way to live in the same regard. But I feel in order to learn, you first must feel; And in order to feel, you must do. It took me 23 years to realize I’m actually learning something of purpose. 23 years to realize self-taught lessons are the jello mold to life. For 22 long, excruciating years I denied any deeper thought that any of those lessons had applied.
Within one year, that secret unraveled
Don’t dare to regret, instead understand why and change it if you’re carrying guilt. Don’t dredge your drama, it only stirs the shit-storms into hurricanes. Do take late night or early morning existential mental journeys to see where your mind is at. Do reflect, take a self-inventory, soak up what’s happened and think about why. No need to change it, yet; Just absorb it. Allow yourself to decide what you want without outside factors or people.
Ignore the radio.
Turn off the TV.
Delete Facebook.
Spend some time with you every once in a while. It may surprise you, the things you’ve learned to integrate and embed into life. They’re not the innate behaviors you’ve been blindly assuming were natural. Your world can be sculpted if you choose to use the tools you’ve rightfully earned. Become a master of your craft, life, and enjoy it. Life’s too short not to.

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