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Expressionism – October 2013

More than a year since we met in the physical. Not one of those days has passed without my mind crossing back to you. Life has come and gone since then, so don’t get me wrong, I’ve still been living. Sort of. Pretty healthy. Some days happier than others. Finally growing into this mold of an adult, just how you always wanted me to.
You’d have been prouder if this happened before our time was up.
Well, one thing I’ve learned is you can’t force growth or progression. You’ve got to want it. You leaving me set me on that path. Before then, I wasn’t fully aware of the true issues developing within myself. You essentially caused me to reflect on self-destruction, and though I continued with that behavior for a while after realizing it was wrong, I finally feel at peace with putting that side of me to rest.
Life is short. I want to do something with mine.
Every day, I still kick myself for letting you leave. From the start I wanted it to be us. Here I sit on this god damn plane, still trying to convince myself that I’m better off, all while knowing I’ll never love someone that deeply again.
You’re probably off now, happy somewhere new with someone new. I hope you are. Where ever you are, whoever you’re with, I hope you’re happy. Happy as you made me, but happier than I made you.


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