Leave a comment

Expressionism – 10-29-13


I’m not keeping myself alive these days.
Never have been actually.
The biggest difference is I want to keep myself alive these days.
What’s changed?
A lot!
Something..
Nothing.
Money stays on the lowest end of the tax bracket scale.
Still working dead-end retail, hoping hard word pays-off.
Still growing increasingly frustrated by the lack of compensation for that hard work.
It doesn’t make me want to explode anymore.
Not sure if that’s because I’ve accepted it, or become numb.
Every day I’m more-so convinced I’ll never love someone truly again.
That brings thoughts of a lonely forever to a state of repeat and obsession.
Watching people move at their own pace is a haunting reminder that it’s easy to get lost in the shuffle.
Watching success breeds an odd mix of disastrous jealousy, along with a sarcastic sense of pride.
Continue to brandish my bloody, half-beaten heart on sleeve because it feels more honest than hiding it.
All in all trying not to be a complete and utter shit-head.
Still trying to soak up the better lessons and avoid relearning the negative ones.
Still running from my passions and hiding behind thick clouds of smoke.
Not much has changed at all. No, when I reread that list it’s extremely clear those problems have been persistent for over a year. There is one giant difference. Something that sets today, October 29th 2013 far, far apart from 2012.
This list of revelations has actually dawned on me. I’m aware. Knowing of these short-comings and observations. That progress alone leaves me content enough to keep living. Keep finding purpose. Keep learning.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: