My favorite of all women, is still the most unavailable.
Still hopelessly in love with no man that will ever deserve her.
She tirelessly spends all her energy on trying to make it work with him.
I know it won’t.
The universe knows it won’t.
What difference does it make?
I fell for her at a time that no relationship would work for either of us, simple as that.
As much as one can accept and understand that, you can’t let it pass if it won’t.
Try and force it, go ahead.
Been trying to force it for years at this point.
We can go months without talking, but she’ll always be there regardless.
She knows she will as well as I do.
A large part of me has, and still believes, she harbors the same feelings.
The same wants.
The same desires.
The same knowledge that now is not the time.
One year ago, almost to the exact date, I gave us a future expiration date for a possible future.
At that time, I said 5 years.
A year later and 4 years feels right.
Feels like we’re on track.
She’s slowly making her way through her first serious commitment to someone.
It will probably end in her heart being shattered.
Someone else will pick the pieces up.
She’ll go through multiple partners during the process of finding herself.
Finding her boundaries.
Drawing those lines.
Breaking someone else’s heart.
That’s how the cycle goes in my experience.
Then, she will be ready.
4 more years.
Lord, will be a miracle if I’m ready to.
Getting youthfulness out of my system.
Fucking my way to clarity.
4 more years.
We’ll be together then.