26 and fully aware.
People always say “you’re wise for your age”.
…they don’t even know.
Always have mentally carried 25 extra years of weight
Boy, does it weigh you down, when you can’t shield yourself from intuition, when you can sense what’s coming isn’t what you wanted.
“We need to talk” never means “let’s try harder and make this work”, it almost always actually means “hey, I’m gonna break your heart and make you live through your re-occurring fear of abandonment”.
So, I push them away when they get close.
Act out of desperate character and completely ignore them.
Cheat at the start of a possible meaningful relationship so if it grows into something, then crumbles, I can accept it as my own fault.
It’s really for their own good, somehow.
I promise, somehow.
I don’t do it to hurt anyone. I do it because of the sense that eventually, they’re going to hurt me.
It would probably be easier to cut ties before the strings even get tangled.
Fuck. They were never even supposed to be attached but one of us always gets roped up and ends up feeling strangled.
I just can’t stay away.
Don’t they call this insanity?